I used to wake up every morning with this empty void, an excruciating unique kind of pain in my soul. Every morning, this pain brought up by a knowing I was not doing what I felt I came here to do.
Some call it destiny, some a life mission. For me, it felt like a soul pain or hunger. My life could not have been better during those years. I had no stresses of any kind really. My financial life was very comfortable, my love life was very fulfilling, I was healthy, I had a loving home I enjoyed everyday.
However, this soul pain was there from the moment I got up to the moment I went to sleep. Whenever I thought of friends, and relationships I had known for most of my life, making a mark in the world, doing what they loved, like singing all over the world, or teaching yoga everywhere, and writing books, the pain became more physical. They were doing what they loved, and in that path they were helping and inspiring many, in my view they were being of service to this beautiful planet.
It was around that time, that I began to dream more about what my heart wanted, if I could have it all what would that look like? It looked like a home in the woods, with a garden, animals and my own food.
This dream became a reality a few years later. I dove right in, by taking workshops and classes on how to work with the earth in a conscious manner, I learned about animal husbandry, I became passionate about helping the honeybees. I worked 12 plus hours per day, with an innocence and love I had forgotten I was capable of. I became part of a natural rhythm, I began to experience a powerful and deep kind of love, and began to receive it from all around me, in a most humbling and cathartic way possible. A new reality began to manifest, in all I engaged with at my little homestead, now a small little farm. The animals around began to reflect back to me the honor and love which they were cared by, back to me. I experienced vulnerable and tender moments I could have never imagined possible with all life around me.
And then one day, upon waking I noticed that the pain eating away in my heart, no longer was there, nor was there the next day and the many years later.
I woke up feeling complete, and satisfied.
I began to live life offering just my heart. Listening from my heart, without the mental chatter, judgment, desire to fix, or not wanting to feel the pain in front of me, wanting to be seen, in another human being.
There was a freedom, never experienced before. And a powerful presence lovingly and generously holding me wherever I went.
Nature was holding me, loving me, reflecting back an inexplicable love, tenderness, and vulnerability. In kind, now I could hold that space for others as well. Finding freedom, no longer feeling alone, feeling a lack of union in my soul and heart. I was complete.
Getting my hands in the soil, approaching the seed with innocence, in awe and wonder, and then in a wonderful explosion of joy, passion and excitement, as these seeds became food, and healing balms for my body, mind and spirit was immense.
I began to grow myself for the first time, in love.
What I now call at the Root of Soul Agriculture; you can experience this too.
– Ylara Khalsa